In 1968 John Clee­se, the well known mem­ber of Mon­ty Python, did a tv show cal­led How to irri­ta­te peo­p­le. There’s no need to say that he is a spe­cia­list, when it comes to com­bi­ning the irri­ta­ti­on of peo­p­le with humour.
In 2008 Mon­ty Python appeared in the inter­net per­so­nal­ly for, well I don’t real­ly know what for. But they are the­re. And they irri­ta­te and amu­se as if not­hing had hap­pen­ed in the last 40 years. How inte­res­t­ing to see the­re still so much room for them to act like that. John Clee­se seems to be the most acti­ve one of them, having an own blog and an own twit­ter account.

And the­re he says things like this:

Ha?

‘Ha!’ means you know some­thing. Some­thing of inte­rest. Some­thing of importance? Some­thing we need to know? Defi­ni­te­ly some­thing he’s hiding from his fol­lo­wers.

You see how easy it is to irri­ta­te peo­p­le: Just hide some infor­ma­ti­on from someone and show within a short utterance that the­re is some kind of infor­ma­ti­on he might be inte­res­ted in. That he could even­tual­ly be in need of. Even if he does­n’t have a tiny clue what that kind of infor­ma­ti­on that could be.

John keeps that infor­ma­ti­on for about 7 hours. And 7 hours in twit­ter are a life­time. You can dri­ve with your car from Lon­don to Paris in 7 hours.

Final­ly he comes back and…

enjoys kee­ping his secret.

You think I just made that up? Have a look:

It’s one sto­ry bet­ween women and men that women always try to get their guys to sit on the toi­let. Stan­ding in front of it may be healt­hi­er for men but in most rela­ti­onships it sim­ply means more work for women to clean ever­y­thing after­wards. Or they think it’s more hygie­nic within the bath­room as men sit down.
I think, my ladies, you won’t be able to edu­ca­te men that way. Just have a look at scot­ty­moon.

How robust men can be if the situa­ti­on affords it.

They do not let any­thing dis­turb their way of life as long as they know what’s to be done. And they don’t give up plans as new pre­con­di­ti­ons come up. Even if it is in form of a smel­ly, brown, flab­by sub­s­tance quite near to them.

Somehow it would never ever occur to men in scotty’s situa­ti­on to clean the toi­let first befo­re doing what they we’­re pla­ning to do as they enter the bath­room. Just think about how abstru­se that thought is: Men con­side­ring about clea­ning the toi­let first befo­re having a piss.

And is the­re still anyo­ne to think edu­ca­ti­on is the right thing to do here?

Some­ti­mes the­re are dis­cus­sions start­ing becau­se of head­lines of dai­ly papers. Last week such a head­line in Ger­ma­ny dealt with the sexu­al life of a star.

The­re must be some­thing about dis­cus­sing the fre­quen­ci­es of stars having sex. David Duchov­ny thinks he has to much and more peo­p­le are inte­res­ted in that topic than in his tv show, whe­re he’s play­ing a guy having too much sex. Whe­re­as in the USA that topic is more an object of humour it was taken more serious­ly in Luxem­bourg:

In eng­lish: “Fuck! I read while get­ting rolls: Heino’s got more sex than me. Dir­ty old prick.”

Hei­no is a ger­man folk music star who tur­ned 70 last satur­day and told the press he’s having sex 3 times a week. So in this case it’s not just about being inte­res­ted in the sexu­al habits of a star. It’s about com­pa­ring your own sexu­al life to that of a star. Papier­frau seems to be the loser of that com­pa­ri­son, which means she’s having sex less than three times a week. I guess what you think right about now is: How much is okay?

Anyhow to Papier­frau the sub­ject is not a nice one, eit­her due to not having a sexu­al life that’s worth making a head­line of or due to losing a com­pa­ri­son about having sex to a 70 year old folk music star.

It even gets worse as she cat­ches a glimps of the head­lines on the next mor­ning:

In eng­lish: “The media still deal with Heino’s sexu­al life. I don’t want to get infor­med about that, becau­se if, I’ll start figu­ring that sce­ne *fear*”

What a curious thing about the human brain. Alt­hough neither Heino’s music nor the ima­gi­na­ti­on of Hei­no having sex seem to be enjoya­ble occur­ren­ces to papier­frau it’s still inte­res­t­ing at first glace to think about the fre­quen­ces of him having sex.

It does­n’t help her anyhow and just keeps piling TMIs.

It’s christ­mas time. It’s time to get some pres­ents for the bel­oved. Most guys are known for not being too smart in cho­sing the right pre­sent. So they bet­ter lis­ten to their girls becau­se if girls know their guys they drop their wis­hes in what they say from time to time. Other­wi­se they have to think about it them­sel­ves and risk to cho­se exact­ly the wrong item.
Drink­bour­bon cle­ar­ly has snif­fed on the wrong item:

Is it just the meta­phor drink­bour­bon wants to point out or the rich­ness of scents he has smel­led so far?

I’m not jea­lous of him having the­se smell expe­ri­en­ces if it’s that what he’s tal­king about. A young hooker’s mens­tru­al flow must be more attrac­ti­ve to him in that case, alt­hough that kind of sub­s­tances ain’t some­thing that is kept in your body for years.

Any­way, I still haven’t impro­ved in tel­ling you how to get the best pre­sent. Cho­sing the right pre­sent just does­n’t seem to be a guy’s thing.